Anniversary Truth…and love.

Neal and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary yesterday.

Much to the disgust of our children, we did not go somewhere romantic, have a dinner out or holiday somewhere advertised as a couples’ getaway. Instead, he slept so he could work again last night and provide for us while I spent the day with my mum and aunty and the kids.

We bathed dogs, made Anzac biscuits, sat in aircon, picked up my cousin’s car, moved furniture and made dinner. The day before we bought a car, which, contrary to registry lists and romance novels was not platinum and was fully financed after a slightly nervous wait. We will pick it up sometime.

Hopefully prior to me taking the small kid away for the weekend to see friends and have a Wild Mountains adventure.

I decided not to post to Facebook yesterday as Neal already had and he’d written some really honest and lovely things about me and our time together so far. People have congratulated us and I really appreciate that.

This morning though, I saw one of those copy and paste and share posts and, as I read it, felt the honesty of it and decided to share it here instead. I don’t want to get too caught up in the idea of writing for likes.

If I’m really honest, which isn’t easy, even some of what’s written below isn’t always the truth of long term relationships, be they friends, family or spouses.

Sometimes it’s weeks of being irritated with everything the other person does and not wanting to admit that it’s more because you’re irritable than anything they may or may not do. It’s about not having been effective budgeters, again, and trying really hard not to argue about that. And sometimes succeeding. It’s about figuring out your life isn’t a romance novel or movie and being ok with that, even when you love them (books and spouses). Sometimes it’s about having one person always giving massages and the other one pretending to for about 3 minutes each year to ‘balance things out’ even though they never intend to change the status quo. (Let’s all make assumptions about who does what in my relationship and be kind to the author, ok?)

Sometimes long-lasting relationships are about reading books or going to seminars that will help, in the hope that some of your newly-found knowledge will transfer to the other person by osmosis, because they clearly need to learn this stuff! It’s about awesome kids you’ve created together who you now disagree how to raise. Or loving one another even if you don’t always like one another.

Despite my many qualifiers above, it isn’t all tiptoe and testiness; compromise and buts. Sometimes it surpasses rom coms by miles! Sometimes you say the right thing at the right time and your spouse really understands how you feel about them…in a good way. Flowers and chocolates are always good, so are Xbox Gold passes and 3D printers and pies or Coke at the right time.

We’ve found love exists in silently agreeing to listen like you care to stories of ‘a student of mine’ or admiring ‘the best blood-spatter painting’. Or just knowing that you cook and I fill in all forms. Ad infinitum.

We’ve found love is hanging onto God because you can’t hang onto anything else and make it. And if we can struggle and succeed through like this, you can, too.

Thanks to Catherine for sharing.

*Lifelong commitment is not what everyone thinks it is. It’s not waking up early every morning to make breakfast and eat together. It’s not cuddling in bed together until both of you peacefully fall asleep. It’s not a clean home and a homemade meal every day.
It’s someone who steals all the covers. It’s sometimes slammed doors, and a few harsh words, disagreeing, and the silent treatment until your hearts heal. Then…forgiveness!
It’s coming home to the same person everyday that you know loves and cares about you, in spite of and because of who you are. It’s laughing about the one time you accidentally did something stupid. It’s about dirty laundry and unmade beds without finger pointing. It’s about helping each other with the hard work of life! It’s about swallowing the nagging words instead of saying them out loud.
It’s about eating the cheapest and easiest meal you can make and sitting down together at 10 p.m. to eat because you both had a crazy day. It’s when you have an emotional breakdown, and your love lays with you and holds you and tells you everything is going to be okay, and you believe them. It’s when “Netflix and chill” literally means you watch Netflix and hang out. It’s about still loving someone even though sometimes they make you absolutely insane.
Living with the person you love is not perfect, and sometimes it’s hard, but it’s amazing and comforting and one of the best things you’ll ever experience.
(Go ahead and share a picture of the person you love and copy and paste this, make their day.)*

Love and veritas,

Eski 🐛

Random Acts of Kindness

I love RAKs and hearing about them. I’m often inspired by Jeremy, of Long Distance Love Bombs, and Dee, of Striving to Be Kind.

  

However, sometimes it backfires!

One of my daughter’s friends has a penchant for French themed decorating and has recently made over her bedroom in that style. Because I often trawl eBay for little random things, I happened to see a little wooden pencil case with a print of the Eiffel Tower on it. At about $2 including shipping, I thought it was a nice little RAK that I could afford.

So, purchase said item and input the friend’s name and address for delivery. Sorted.

Now, do I tell her, or avoid the feeling of obligation and leave it anonymous? I thought anonymous. Also, it’s likely to take 3-6 weeks coming by sea cucumber from China and I don’t want her to have to wait.

I’d forgotten all about it until I saw a few of her family’s Facebook posts over the recent holidays showing that they were away. I sent a brief message to her mum via a comment on one of her pictures that they should look out for a little parcel when they arrived home. Too easy.

It is now a new term and I have seen the young lady at school. She’s in my classes and kindly brought me a very sweet gift back from their travels. I was really grateful, but felt a tiny bit disappointed that the obligatory payback of gifts that I had been concerned about, had occurred. Nevertheless, I thanked her and enjoyed my tasty treat. 

Today it struck me as odd that she had not mentioned the little pencil box, so I asked her about it in class today, 

“G–, did you have to go to the Post Office to get that little parcel?”

“What parcel?”

I made a motion with my hands (as she was across the classroom) to indicate the general size and shape of the box and she looked at me in surprise.

“Was that from you? That little Eiffel Tower box?”

“Yes, I thought you knew that. I sent Mum a message when you were on holidays.”

“No, that came ages ago. Before we went away. I had no idea what it was or who it was from. Mum didn’t want me to open it in case it was like a bomb or something!”

At this point, I looked similar to a gaping goldfish, laughing and stunned at the same time.

“Really?! What happened?”

“Well, we didn’t recognise the address, but thought it might be from the exchange student we’d had here earlier. Then I googled the address and it was a pretty weird place we couldn’t connect to anything. Eventually, Mum let me open it and we bothe sniffed and shook it to see if it was ok. It’s sitting on my desk at home, unused, because we still didn’t know if it was ok.”

“I’m so sorry!” I gasped between laughing breaths, “It was meant to be a little treat and then I’d told Mum on one of her comments. I thought you knew. I certainly didn’t mean to cause you fear or stress about it! That’s actually hilarious!”

So, sometimes kindness (especially the unplanned, random kind) can backfire! 😕

She’s going to go home and relieve Mum of her stress…and use the box.

  
Why not plan a Random Act of Kindness for someone today? If you do, I’d love to hear about it!

Veritas,

Eski 🐛