Anniversary Truth…and love.

Neal and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary yesterday.

Much to the disgust of our children, we did not go somewhere romantic, have a dinner out or holiday somewhere advertised as a couples’ getaway. Instead, he slept so he could work again last night and provide for us while I spent the day with my mum and aunty and the kids.

We bathed dogs, made Anzac biscuits, sat in aircon, picked up my cousin’s car, moved furniture and made dinner. The day before we bought a car, which, contrary to registry lists and romance novels was not platinum and was fully financed after a slightly nervous wait. We will pick it up sometime.

Hopefully prior to me taking the small kid away for the weekend to see friends and have a Wild Mountains adventure.

I decided not to post to Facebook yesterday as Neal already had and he’d written some really honest and lovely things about me and our time together so far. People have congratulated us and I really appreciate that.

This morning though, I saw one of those copy and paste and share posts and, as I read it, felt the honesty of it and decided to share it here instead. I don’t want to get too caught up in the idea of writing for likes.

If I’m really honest, which isn’t easy, even some of what’s written below isn’t always the truth of long term relationships, be they friends, family or spouses.

Sometimes it’s weeks of being irritated with everything the other person does and not wanting to admit that it’s more because you’re irritable than anything they may or may not do. It’s about not having been effective budgeters, again, and trying really hard not to argue about that. And sometimes succeeding. It’s about figuring out your life isn’t a romance novel or movie and being ok with that, even when you love them (books and spouses). Sometimes it’s about having one person always giving massages and the other one pretending to for about 3 minutes each year to ‘balance things out’ even though they never intend to change the status quo. (Let’s all make assumptions about who does what in my relationship and be kind to the author, ok?)

Sometimes long-lasting relationships are about reading books or going to seminars that will help, in the hope that some of your newly-found knowledge will transfer to the other person by osmosis, because they clearly need to learn this stuff! It’s about awesome kids you’ve created together who you now disagree how to raise. Or loving one another even if you don’t always like one another.

Despite my many qualifiers above, it isn’t all tiptoe and testiness; compromise and buts. Sometimes it surpasses rom coms by miles! Sometimes you say the right thing at the right time and your spouse really understands how you feel about them…in a good way. Flowers and chocolates are always good, so are Xbox Gold passes and 3D printers and pies or Coke at the right time.

We’ve found love exists in silently agreeing to listen like you care to stories of ‘a student of mine’ or admiring ‘the best blood-spatter painting’. Or just knowing that you cook and I fill in all forms. Ad infinitum.

We’ve found love is hanging onto God because you can’t hang onto anything else and make it. And if we can struggle and succeed through like this, you can, too.

Thanks to Catherine for sharing.

*Lifelong commitment is not what everyone thinks it is. It’s not waking up early every morning to make breakfast and eat together. It’s not cuddling in bed together until both of you peacefully fall asleep. It’s not a clean home and a homemade meal every day.
It’s someone who steals all the covers. It’s sometimes slammed doors, and a few harsh words, disagreeing, and the silent treatment until your hearts heal. Then…forgiveness!
It’s coming home to the same person everyday that you know loves and cares about you, in spite of and because of who you are. It’s laughing about the one time you accidentally did something stupid. It’s about dirty laundry and unmade beds without finger pointing. It’s about helping each other with the hard work of life! It’s about swallowing the nagging words instead of saying them out loud.
It’s about eating the cheapest and easiest meal you can make and sitting down together at 10 p.m. to eat because you both had a crazy day. It’s when you have an emotional breakdown, and your love lays with you and holds you and tells you everything is going to be okay, and you believe them. It’s when “Netflix and chill” literally means you watch Netflix and hang out. It’s about still loving someone even though sometimes they make you absolutely insane.
Living with the person you love is not perfect, and sometimes it’s hard, but it’s amazing and comforting and one of the best things you’ll ever experience.
(Go ahead and share a picture of the person you love and copy and paste this, make their day.)*

Love and veritas,

Eski 🐛

My Mum the Shearer

It seems that I’ve inherited my mother’s ability to find, be found by and adopt any lost sheep. In some cases, her ability is literal. We adopted a large, lost sheep. We were in Central Australia, the year I turned 9. We’d been travelling for 6 months around the country and now had taken up residence in a single carriage of a converted silver bullet train (something like this). My bed was over the hot water service in the ‘laundry’; Mum and Dad had a fold out bed in the lounge room so my brother and sister could share the double bed in the single bedroom that there was.

When cattle or sheep were rounded up, little ones would often be brought into the community, almost like a toy, and, as toys often are, they’d be discarded and forgotten. This had happened to Sheepy. He had been around the place for a while. He was no longer little and cute, but full grown, fat and fluffy. Well, he would have been had his overgrown wool not resembled a large and fibrous tumbleweed, complete with spinifex grass and felted matting. Sheepy had wandered into our yard one day and, as I mentioned, Mum is genetically predisposed to be unable to resist something or someone in need of assistance. Sheepy became her personal project. She blunted the few pairs of scissors we had, regardless of their original purpose, trying to create a coiff from a conglomerate. The community thought it was hilarious, but I could understand her concerns. Desert days are not cool and Sheepy was lumbered with inches of filthy thermal insulation. Each day, scissors of various sizes and Mum waged war against Sheepy’s many extra layers.

With time and perseverance, Mum won the war against the wool. Sheepy bore his new, attacked by vicious lawn mower, wool cut with lightness and freedom, if not pride. His accepting personality was overcome, layer by layer, with the more realistic taciturn nature of a scruffy, hot male specimen. So Sheepy left his temporary home and ran off to rejoin the community at large. And, not long after, and not shared with the shorter siblings, Sheepy made a guest appearance at a local barbecue. Such is life, I suppose.

Veritas Serum

Shades of Harry Potter title, I know, but I can honestly say I’ve had nothing more than water and a hot lemon drink this evening to clear my nose.

However, I’m a firm believer in telling the truth, more so as I age (ever so gracefully). So here’s a few things you may or may not know about moi.

1) I am lazy. If you read the About Me page, you will already know this. Especially if the task at hand requires a broom, cloth or cleaning product, I’m NOT your girl. Give me a break – and cliched KitKat please! I can validate this in all many of engaging and entertaining ways, that’s part of the fun of procrastinating, but it comes back to the very simple fact that I just don’t want to. Take the following with the grain (or suitable measurement) of salt that is often required when dealing with children – a number of years ago, Miss 15 told Grandma that she felt a little bit like Cinderella because they were ALWAYS made to do jobs. Now clearly, that’s not true, but it was a wake up call for me. Obviously, if she felt like Cinderella, then I figure as the wicked step mother, right? Wrong. In all the stories I’ve ever read that would only be true if I were far more unattractive and considerably more wealthy! Myth busted, Kid!

2) I always wanted 6 children. Ever since a “Game of Life” one particularly interesting evening in 1992 where I filled my car with more sets of twins than would comfortably fit, 6 has seemed like a suitable number. I thought I’d finished with 3 until God’s plan surprised us with Mr 2 a little while ago. For the past 2 years I’ve had my nephew living with us and this year we are to be blessed with an exchange son from Thailand, but never the long term 6 kids in the house. Short of immaculate conception, I’m not having any more biologically, so I wonder whether there’s any chance of another on one of God’s as-yet-unknown paths in our future? I’d take them all on if I could.

3) I love writing! Words are my weapon of choice – in a good way most of the time. Give my a pen or a keyboard and I’m off. Poetry, phrases, emails (I’m especially good at wording those tricky things, I think), stories and now, hopefully, a blog. I’ve been rejected by two publishers and its a dream to someday be accepted by one. For that to happen, I need to do far more of it.

4) I have medically treated, chronic major depression. No, I don’t look sad most of the time and I have, thankfully, never tried to hurt myself. For over 20 years, I have been misdiagnosed, mistreated and misunderstood by myself, Drs and those closest to me. Until 5 years ago, I had no idea what other people thought because I didn’t tell them. I felt I must surely be some kind of freakish loser to not be able to cope when there was nothing wrong with my life. I’m not. And if you have depression or another mental illness, neither are you. 5 years ago, I started sharing my history and my present. The change and response has been phenomenal. People have been touched and I feel very grateful. I’m sure we will discuss this more later, but for now, BeyondBlue is an excellent place to start for information.

5) I’ve recently started playing a game on my iPad and I think it’s invading my life! For many years I, a geek/nerd by osmosis, have avoided games due to lack of time, interest or skill. I sometimes limber up my button-mashing fingers to take on the family at Smash Bros or Streetfighter or Mortal Kombat, but I often dazzle them with my uncanny ability to win without actually knowing how to play or even who my character is! Recently though, on a foray into Mr 17’s room to escape the heat and reality for a while, I was lured, tricked and led astray into the world of the Kingdoms and Monsters app. I grew plants and repaired houses; I created buildings and upgraded goblin huts; I whizzed together pies and bought extra virtual land at exorbitant prices. And then I downloaded it onto my own iPad. I cannot share any further at this stage as the Veritas Serum must be wearing off………

😉